Things I’ve Written

Letter to the Editor Regarding School Attendance of Students Whose Insides Are 40% Spider Eggs That Could Hatch Any Minute – Splitsider 07/18/2016

Unconsidered Consequences Of Doubling This City’s Minimum Wage – The Big Jewel 04/13/2016

A Brief History of Home Milk Delivery – The Big Jewel 6/24/2015

Edits to Various Crowdsourced DIY Home Improvement Instructions to Account for My Incompetence – Splitsider 3/30/2015

Kafka’s Kickstarter – The Morning News 1/21/2015

Final segment of The Time Machine – WireTap 12/5/2014

Excerpts from Three-Star Yelp Reviews of the World’s First Time Travel Company – McSweeney’s Internet Tendency 6/17/2014

Avoiding Redundant Remakes – The Impersonals 4/22/2014

Jobs at the Ashram – The Impersonals 2/27/2014

First World Yiddish Curses, Translated – CollegeHumor 2/26/2014

Ben Franklin’s First Drafts – The Bygone Bureau 11/21/2013

Letter to the TSA – Splitsider 10/7/2013

Playing Like It’s My Job – The Escapist 9/8/2009

Re-Birthed, Re-Earthed – Citizen Culture Magazine 2/1/2006

Clichés Have Feelings Too – Objet d’art 10/15/2004